How Coolness Controls Us

Throughout history, humanity has moved in waves shaped by what’s popular, accepted, or socially rewarded. And this isn’t to say that following trends or participating in collective culture is wrong; it’s part of being human. But there is a dilemma hidden inside it, one most people never realize they’re trapped in.

From childhood, we all recognized “the cool kid.” Every school had one. The kid everyone wanted to be around. The “alpha,” the leader without a title. And it’s wild, because even at that age, you could see how much influence someone could have simply by existing the right way, at the right time, around the right people.

But there’s a difference between being cool and being a leader, and there’s a difference between being a leader and doing what’s cool.

Coolness as Influence

Fast-forward to adulthood, and the same patterns repeat.

"Cool" can be anything: the way you walk, talk, dress, stand, pose, or even look away. It’s shaped by when you were born, where you grew up, who your friends were, and what your environment rewarded.

My brother made a point the other day about Bloods and Crips. He said a person’s affiliation often came down to who they met first and who embraced them before anyone else did. And he pointed out something deeper: if two people from opposing sets had grown up in the same timeline, the same street, the same circle, they probably would’ve been friends. But because of affiliation, because of the identity they adopted, they might become enemies. Not out of truth, but because the world taught them that was the “cool,” acceptable thing to do.

That’s the tragedy of coolness: people end up fighting for an identity that was assigned, not chosen.

The Performance of Cool

Being cool gets so ingrained that people start performing it without thinking:

• The stance

• The head tilt

• The voice

• The pauses

• The style

• The affiliations

• The postures

• The personas

We’ve all seen it. It’s almost comical when you zoom out. Because the people who don’t obsess over being cool are usually the ones who end up influencing everyone else. They’re the trendsetters without trying, the individuals who simply are themselves so deeply that it inspires others.

But because the masses follow these people, the masses often lose themselves in the process. They build identities made of borrowed pieces—identities that feel real on the surface but hollow deep inside.

Losing Yourself in the Crowd

There’s nothing wrong with being shaped by your culture or your surroundings; everyone is, to a degree. The issue is when a person never discovers who they truly are because they’re too wrapped up in fitting in, staying relevant, or maintaining an image.

And as time goes on, the people who built themselves on coolness eventually age out of it. The trend changes. The spotlight moves. And they get passed by, left trying to keep up with a version of themselves that doesn’t exist anymore.

At the end of the day, they didn’t live as themselves; they lived as a reflection of the world.

The True Path: Individuality

We get one shot at this life, and the real mission is simple: become the best version of yourself.

And becoming your highest version often means doing the opposite of what’s cool:

• speaking differently

• thinking differently

• creating differently

• dressing differently

• moving differently

Most of the world’s most groundbreaking ideas did not start out as cool. They started out lonely, rejected, or misunderstood. But they were real. And real always outlasts cool.

Choosing Yourself Over the Crowd

The lesson is this:

Be who you are. Live in your own highest expression. Honor your own thoughts. Trust your own voice.

Stay away from people who constantly dismiss your ideas; those people aren’t looking for connection, they’re looking for followers. They want to be the center, the one you orbit around, the one who gets to be cool.

A true mentor, a true leader, listens. They encourage your individuality. They help you step into your own leadership, not their shadow.

That’s humility. That’s real power. And that’s where cool ends and authenticity begins.

The Gift of Selfhood

The greatest gift a parent can give a child is not just wisdom, but space—space to become themselves, space to evolve, and space to one day teach you something too.

Because the truth is:

You wake up in your body. You take your steps. You think with your mind. You pray to the Source you connect with. You breathe, eat, speak, and move through your consciousness.

This life is yours. This perspective is yours. This awareness is yours.

Without your consciousness recognizing itself, none of this would be real. You would just be a body walking the earth without knowing the soul inside it has purpose.

And that’s the real separation between coolness, leadership, and authenticity:

Cool follows the world.

Leadership shapes the world.

Authenticity shapes the soul.